LINCOLN BREWSTER

Makes you want to re-learn guitar all over again

BORACAY

More than a commercialized island getaway

BOOKS

Since I got converted, I've developed the caution on reading books already. So the selection I have was trimmed down to safer genres and those that I can use for God's Kingdom Advancement.

HEALING AND MIRACLE FESTIVAL

Listen and be healed.

Apostolic Concepts: On Ash Wednesdays

How our lives should always be centered on God and God alone.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Do we need the RH Bill?


Intramuros-2
Originally uploaded by ikeorganus
For the people who actually say something about this, I hope they've read the bill. I hope they actually understand before they say something about it. It will only make them look, er, unintelligent and when things like that happen, I'm saddened. I am yet to read the full text. It think I can find it here. Maybe I'll download it and print it to read it before I sleep.

But I still have a few more chapters to read about the book of Acts. I guess the RH bill can wait.

A Beautiful Boxer


No, this is not another film review.

Before I post about the Oscars, which I do not plan on doing anyway, let me say I am amazed to see her last Saturday (or Sunday, I forget) in her final moments before the super-bantamweight championship announcement in California. I wasn't able to watch the game, but hey, she's so cute that unless she wears dentures, I would say she makes a good toothpaste commercial specially made for boxers.

She's truly, truly beautiful and she reminds me of Kuya Erc's boxing gloves in his room. Makes me want to become a boxer again... Nah.

For the news, click here

Friday, February 25, 2011

Of Love and Other Drugs


Sorry Lovi Poe, but it sure is your fault why your beloved “Cong”  - now that I mentioned it, I don’t actually know how to call him anymore – Singson is going to spend his cold nights behind bars for 18 months.

It was your fight that drove him to do drugs that day. Or Usher. Either way, he’s in, you’re out and left crying over what-could’ve-been’s and whatnots.

 I wonder how your professed love for each other will grow as you get separated by those steel bars (or not, because I have no inkling as to how HK jails look like, most especially for the big names getting jailed for “justice’s” sake.) Will your love, as my old yaya would call say it, grow ponder?

18 months is a long time. Imagine, a woman houses her baby in her belly for nine months, by the time he gets out, you could have gotten two babies, provided of course that you’re not human and are too excited to make babies you disregard nursing your first baby on its first few months.

18 months and a baby is enough to have your baby develop words and ways of communication.

18 months and it’s the birthday of two of my former friends.

18 months and some Filipinos might forget we voted for a president and demand a new one.

18 months and another AFP-related case will be colorfully dissected in the upper and lower houses – unless we find Cha-Cha a nicer topic to stress our already stressed political arena in which case, we’ll be welcoming a possible new contenter for Phillippine domination: her excellency, Gloria MacapagalArroyo. (Oh, she’s not new? But she hasn’t become a prime minister yet right? This one’s different.)

18 months Pacquiao could have fought Mayweather already.

18 months and Donaire could have been the 2nd pound-for-pound king, after Pacquiao knocking out Mayweather.

18 months and a new singing Hollywood sensation could come out and be featured in Ellen or Oprah (hello to the Fil-Canadian girl who made Lady Gaga cry).

18 months and you could have found a new love, Lovi. Someone who takes after your father (or any of the movie characters he once portrayed.) I’m not saying you should dump him, Lovi, oh no. It’s not in my position to dictate love. I am merely saying this: you might want to spend more of your time focusing on your career, prayer meetings and spiritual reformation. Who knows that in those 18 months, he a reformed man, and you of course, may find yourselves more in love than ever, end up in each other’s arms and make-up for the lost time. By then, you will have said no to premarital sex – which I’m not insinuating you’re engaged in for I know how good a girl you are – and you will have rejected posing for sexy print ads.

Now will not that make a beautiful Philippines?

For related news, please read the following links:

1. Recap of Songson's case (and his love for Usher).
2. Singson pleads guilty (of loving Lovi).
3. Singson sentenced to 18 months (without his Lovi).
4. The source for the image

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Work-Related Whatnot

We live with what we have

Don't mind that I still use XP at work. This is the Philippines. Although hired by SG and HK's premiere business magazines, I am forced to accept this fact. Never mind that I still use this kind of processor. My point in this entry is this: I've spent my entire day doing html coding that I could easily pass of as an IT person already and not as a, well, I don't know how to categorize myself, honestly. All the Chrome files on my desktop (there used to be 7) basically ate my whole afternoon.
So many html-ing

I keep on jumping from one job to another. Yesterday, I did the lay out because out layout artist was sick. This morning I did journalism because we lack journalists already. And this afternoon, I'm an IT person.

Is it just me or do I smell a well-deserved increase? Ha ha. I know I know. I work as I work. I work as God's servant so no ill feelings for me (Colossians 3:22). Plus, I do the volunteering anyway. Whenever I hear someone ask for help, I immediately raise my hand to the rescue.

And Amr calls me SuperNikki. Upon my insistence of course.

MRT Blues 2

In riding the MRT I choose to stand. Even in an empty coach, I would still choose my favorite spot – that corner nearest the last door from the driver in the women’s coach. There, I’m completely safe from being crushed to death every time MRT gets flooded by passengers. Standing there, I could read, look the salivating guys from the men’s coach, pretend I can’t move when being pushed over by space-hungry ladies who actually often forget they wear their companies on their ID laces or blouses. I will never forget an embarrassing situation when I almost kissed a woman in her mid thirties when the driver totally forgot he was driving a mass transpo and made an abrupt break to the end of a station. My face was already too close to the woman’s face in the first place because I could not find any more space to put my head in. Her face was the next possible option.

I never wanted to me an actual sample of Katy Perry (oh, Katy, what a shame you are to the Christian world) and like a possible kiss with a women I barely know. But that intimate moment made me think. If I were a terrorist… Never mind. Erase that.

The reasons I like that spot are simple.       
   
1.      Unobstructed view of the metro. Manila is beautiful city; with its sky always almost dim that you’d wonder if it’s always gonna rain. But it’s not the clouds that make it dark, as a city denizen, you should know by now that we are people of pollution and we simply cannot live without carbon emissions and smoke belching.

2.      I can go out the door anytime there need be and there are not much ladies to push. I just need to squeeze my fattening self to the side part and free myself from possible stampede.

3.      I can put my baunan bag at that-space-at-the-end-of-the-coach and actually act as if it contains explosive. I do this. I would put my bad there, text someone, look around, look at the bag, move away a little, and occasionally inspect it to add more suspicion. I particularly  like this when the men’s coach beside ours are the ones without the driver’s compartment, and the men – squeezed as they are leaving them no room to move their heads– have no choice but to see all my actions. One of these days, I may actually bring an extra bag and leave it there. For fun.

4.      I can read. Sitting down makes me look/notice at the crotch area of women at my book’s edge. Reading while standing in that corner makes me face the wall and have the world to myself again. Plus, I actually have an audience on the other side and I can act as an ambassador of reading to a typical MRT commuter.

5.      Sleep. I actually almost fell over the steel railing because of the lack of it.

Tutkals: Another new term emerging the Philippine streets



When was it, when Jke told me he dreamed of street children playing soccer (for him)/football?
Apparently, they call it Tutkals (Tutang Kalye). Well, the weird thought here is that football = Azkals already. Hmm. Source: (The Azkal's twitter page)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Intramuros: Old Spain in Manila, Boiled Corn, Shanties


Intramuros: Something I've forgotten all about


Intramuros. Sa wakas. (Finally.)

I had the chance to go here last December, when I volunteered to bring my lethargic English guest for some “planned” sightseeing in Manila, but never got to because he just decided one morning that he was, well,  too lazy for it. So it was exciting for me to have a free Saturday afternoon to visit there and shoot. Ch picked me up in the church and we commuted our way to Intramuros, the walled city of Manila.


“Do you know how to go there?” Ch asked as she put back the small suha (pomelo) in the bag she bought for me from Davao.

“No idea.”

Her look was a mixture of fear and worn out exasperation, like she was used to it but never really enjoyed it. She knew I meant it, but she also knew that we will somehow manage to get there anyway.

“So how?”

“Well, I think I know how to get near it. Then we can find our way from there. C’mon. Not once did we get lost in any of our adventures.”
Che knocking on Manila Cathedral's door

She knew I was telling the truth. She followed me to a jeepney and 30 minutes later, we were walking towards the entrance of Intramuros.

Good thing my UK friend and I never got to go there, else I’d look stupid again (like when we were looking for Mang Inasal for 30 minutes in Makati and ended up eating at the MRT station branch there because apparently, I didn’t know Makati that well, which pissed him off a bit). Ch and I just walked around the area with no directions of where to go or something. All I knew was that I was too eager to take pictures. I taught Ch the basics even while we were still inside the jeepney so she just needed to apply it.


Manila Cathedral was closed to the public that afternoon. A lot of people in formal attires were loitering at the entrance of the church. A wedding was about to begin. Disappointing but we got to take some cool pictures. That was when Ch got her first ever money shot.


Che's Money Shot
We went to this park. I saw a guy who was taking pictures as well. I took a stolen shot of his shadow.

The train thing near the park.


The random person's shadow.


Ch and I walked around more until we chanced upon  - chanced being the operative word – Tamayo’s catering-slash-museum, where our good old friend Smy had her debut a couple of years ago.

Tamayo's: Where our Smy celebrated her debut thousands of years ago.


“I know this place,” I absentmindedly blurted out as we approached a fountain.


“Yes, this is where Smy celebrated her 18th!” We, almost in unison, realized.

"Which one?".

More practices for Ch as I changed the lens from the weird wangle to the 50mm for more dramatic shots. We got to play around a bit more before leaving.

Ang Banga

“There’s a lagoon here somewhere.” Ch suggested we look for it. After a couple of inquiries, we found out where it was.

This train thing kept on following us.

Both with grumbling innards, we decided to look for clean street food to ease our burdens. We checked in a restaurant just across the street from Tamayo’s but got turned off by the price tags of desserts there. Then, we crossed to the street tindahan where we bought softdrinks and 1 bag of junk chichirya each.

Photo credit: Guardiya Sibil

I don't know this cartoon character, honestly

We aimed for the lagoon right after that. We bought some boiled corn kernels first before we climbed the wall. We took a long time taking photos of the worn out wash rooms at the ground floor of the walled area, had some more tutorials and before we knew it, our time was up. I had to rush to our Bible study in Las Pinas.

Nilagang Mais
Che enjoying hers.

Me enjoying mine.
Nothing else was noteworthy except for me pairing up with the caretaker at Tamayo’s for a photo op because our polos looked similar. It was worth the walk though.
I appeared to be an employee there.

Long shot from the wall of Manila City Hall.

 Intramuros revisited is more of a playground for photographers than anything else. We failed to go to some other historic places, and my mom never missed the chance to emphasize that.

Something-y on the wall while we were eating. A jar perhaps? A pot?

“Sayang hindi mo nakita yung kulungan ni Rizal.” (Pity you weren’t able to see Rizal’s jail.) But I saw that one before, when I was in elementary. Yeah, it’s a pity I never got to see it again, more so, take a photo of it, but the shots, and Ch’s welcoming to the photography world was worth the exhaustion.

Ch: Clueless I wasn't taking her photo.

As we were playing around the wall, Ch and I went to the canon for, well, shots with the canons. But as I was taking her poses, I kept on getting the people from the other side of the wall with her. It was funny, but I liked it. I think they knew I was taking photos and they kind of wanted to be included, so I granted their wish.


I swear the girl posed for me.
More on Intramuros probably next week when I get to the writing mode. For more photos, click here

Headphones


I’m typing this from the tech booth. I’m currently trying out the new Sony dynamic stereo headphones brought in by Kuya Jyr from somewhere. I don’t know what to do with. Perhaps this, listening something with it. So I plugged in into the mixer and listened to the Psalmists as they practice. This headphones has its own volume and tone enhancer on the heads themselves, so if you’re mixing and want to mute the other channel, you can actually do it without having to go to the mixer or the main controls. This is particularly convenient if you’re standing at a far edge of a cliff and you don’t want to move from your place anymore. Or you’re too lazy to stand up form your editing machine.

Another cool feature of this, um, thing is that whenever the voices get too loud to my ear, I can easily turn the knobs and lessen the volume. Only, I always forget which way to turn to minimize it, and always end up maximizing the volume, half-surprising my eardrums with pain.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

From basketball to football to boxing to rugby

I want to start off by saying I'm sad I missed the Azkals game in Bacolod. Wasn't able to watch it. I am also sad I wasn't able to watch Donaire's game last Sunday. I tried, but he didn't give enough time for walkers like me to get home to finish his opponent. And I've always secretly liked the Volcanoes. I guess it's because of the movie, Forever Strong. I never got that chant though.


This makes me ever more proud to be Pinoy.


Start of article.

During my recent visit to Las Vegas for the IRB 7s, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of Fil-Ams making a name for themselves on the American rugby scene.


One of our brightest prospects there is Alex Aronson, a 20-year old fly-half playing at Cal Berkeley, the undisputed No. 1 university rugby program in the USA. Since 1984 when the legendary Jack Clark took over as head coach, Cal has won a staggering 21 national titles. Last Saturday, Aronson was the starting fly-half against Air Force and contributed 25 points in their 90-0 victory.


The dilemma for many of our Filipino-heritage rugby players is the choice between trying to break into an established national union or to contribute to the PRFU in a more substantial role. Under IRB laws, a player can only represent one national union after turning 18 years of age. I’m hoping that as we progress through the international ranks, the decision to commit to the PRFU will be made easier due to the higher levels in which we will compete.

Picture
Volney Rouse


The number of Filipino-heritage rugby players who are now internationals with other unions is growing steadily. The latest of these was Volney Rouse, a fly-half at San Francisco Golden Gate in the USA Super League. 27-year old Rouse attained his first cap for the American Eagles in 2010 playing against Russia in the Churchill Cup. Rouse, like Aronson, is a point scoring machine with his ability to run at the defence line and his goal kicking accuracy.


Rouse attended St. Mary’s College of California and after taking up the game late, he twice achieved All-American honours. In 2009 he led his San Francisco Golden Gate team to the Super League title. In order to improve his chances of selection with the Eagles, Rouse decided to take up an offer to play rugby in New Zealand. This certainly paid off for him as he gained selection to the national team shortly after.


One of the most recent additions to the Wallabies squad is 21-year old Queensland Reds flyer Rod Davies. In the 2010 Super14 season, Davies scored some blistering tries, most notably the one against the Crusaders. A hamstring injury prevented him from completing the season but he had shown enough potential to be picked in the Wallabies European tour.

Picture
Rod Davies


Davies went to Ipswich Grammar and was the GPS 100m sprint champion with a time of 10.81sec in his final year of high school. In 2008, he played for the Australian U20s at the World Championships. Recently at the Reds’ pre-season training he was crowned the fastest player with many calling him the fastest man outright in rugby. Both his national coach Robbie Deans and his provincial coach Ewen McKenzie believe that Davies will only improve with time. This is only his third year of professional rugby after having had a stint in rugby league with the Brisbane Broncos.


Davies visited the Philippines in 2009 to help run some coaching clinics with the PRFU. He has a soft spot for the country and eagerly awaits another opportunity to help develop the local game. For the time being he is focused on remaining injury fee in order to push for World Cup selection with the Wallabies at the end of the year.

Picture
AJ Gilbert


Another Fil-Aus player who has attained national honours is 23-year old AJ Gilbert. Born in Dorrigo, northern NSW, Gilbert was a member of the Australian U19 team which won the World Championships in 2006. In the same year he was picked for the Australian 7s team and also signed a contract with the Queensland Reds under Eddie Jones.


Gilbert named George Smith as his childhood hero and comparisons were easy to make. At the time, not only did they feature matching dreadlocks but they were both flankers who played hard on the ball.

So there is no question that Filipinos all over the world have got the talent to succeed in this sport. The PRFU is dedicated to growing the game locally as well as internationally. Our Filipino-heritage players who are based abroad will hopefully guide the Volcanoes to further international success. They will be the heroes that the local players will aspire to be. They will be the players who will ensure our next generation continue the high standards already set.



Source. Please also visit PRFU's website.

I'm such a geek









This article made me want to read more on the topic.

"This will help us understand the structure of space and time. For reasons that no one yet understands, nature ruled out antimatter... this inspires us to work that much harder to see if antimatter holds some secret." -Professor Jeffrey Hangst
 I am all the more fascinated with God's greatness in creating every single thing.

Childhood

Practically raised alone, I spent most of my life learning things. My idea of a typical school day would be being picked up by my mom’s students to hang out with her at the multi-level school just behind ours during lunch and go back for an afternoon of ballet and/or ethnic dances. My weekends would be spent in front of the TV, eating the mashed potato I learned to cook on my own, waiting for my parents to go home wondering whatever pasalubong they had for me. Sometimes, it’s singing the karaoke, while blocking out my old yayas from my parents’ room, aircon blasting and simply waiting for them to arrive. Sundays would be mall days.

My idea of sport: playing outside for any street game that will allow me to exercise my infantile muscles and have my legs wounded. My mom hated it so I would always wear jogging pants or pyjamas outside. Most of them became torn on the knee part. I became good at running. I never knew I developed it there. I would hang out with boys because I thought them to be mature. I never knew I got it there as well. We moved houses and I left my old playmates. I learned street volleyball in our new community, back when my eyes could still see the ball. I taught children dances, made dance numbers. Made it a career. I never learned how to ride a bike.

Then I spent less and less time outside and chess became a challenge when one day, the school had a tournament, and known to be kind of intelligent, I begged my father to teach me. I learned overnight having registered that afternoon and fought. I made it to the semis and got kicked out by the sister of my former crush. It was a feat, but I never fought again.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Goals of the Church

The primary goal is not a bigger group, more activities or better services, it is not even benevolent acts, nor greater prosperity, and not even more and better evangelism, neither is it healing or emotional healing and deliverance. All of these and more are the results of the goal of the "ekklesia" (assembly of called out ones). The goal is Christ formed by the Holy Spirit in a people becoming His character and His nature in the world producing the kingdom of God and His righteousness. - Ron McGatlin
The problem with the most churches nowadays is a matter of priority. We, as body of Christ, should know what the Holy Spirit is intending for us to do. Revival, new souls, healing and miracle movements are meaningless if the movers of these have nothing, not even a tinge of Jesus’ likeness and image in them. I’ve heard of people with great anointing who had lives similar to the unsaved themselves, which sends the wrong message to unbelievers. All these things are worthless if Jesus is not seen in us. Our prayer meetings and conferences are mere echoes on an empty hall if our lives are lacking in Jesus’s purposes.

True and False Repentance According to Finney

Note: I've read this around two years ago, and I just thought it's worth sharing. I always need to be reminded lately.


TRUE AND FALSE REPENTANCE
by Charles G. Finney
"For Godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. For behold this self-same thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea.what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourself to be clear in this matter"--2 Corin 7:10-11.
True repentance involves a change of opinion respecting the nature of sin followed by a corresponding change of feeling toward sin. Feeling is the result of thought. When this change of opinion produces a corresponding change of feeling, if the opinion is right and the feeling corresponds, this is true repentance. Godly sorrow, which God requires, must spring from His views of sin.

To one who truly repents, sin looks very different than it does to him who has not repented.Instead of looking desirable or fascinating, it looks odious and detestable. He is astonished that he ever could have desired such a thing. Impenitent sinners may look at sin and see that it will ruin them because God will punish them for it. But it still appears in itself desirable. They love it. If it could end in happiness, they would never think of abandoning their sin.

But one who truly repents looks at his own conduct as perfectly hateful. He looks back and exclaims, "How detestable and worthy of hell my sin was."

Sinners don't see why God threatens sin with such terrible punishment. They love it so much that they cannot see why God thinks it is worthy of everlasting judgment. When sinners are strongly convicted, they see sin in the same light as a Christian does. Then all they need is a corresponding change in feeling to be saved.
Many sinners reflect on their relationship to God and know that they deserve eternal death, but their heart doesn't agree with God's opinions. This is the case with the demons and wicked spirits in hell. A change of opinion is indispensable to true repentance and always precedes it. There may be a change of opinion without repentance, but no genuine repentance occurs without a change of opinion.

The unsaved sinner things it utterly incredible that sin deserves everlasting death. He may be fully changed, however, to see that sin injures himself and everybody else and that there is no remedy but universal abstinence. Even the devil knows this is true.

The word rendered "repentance" implies a change of opinion in regard to the just outcome of sin. The careless sinner has almost no right ideas about the just punishment of sin. Even if he admits; in theory, that sin deserves eternal death, he does not believe it. If he believed it, it would be impossible for him to remain a careless sinner. He is deceived if he supposes that he honestly holds the opinion that sin deserves the wrath of God forever.
The truly awakened and convicted sinner sees clearly that sin deserves everlasting punishment from God. To him it is simply a matter of fact.

A CHANGE OF HEART
In true repentance there must be a corresponding change of feeling. This change of feeling respects sin in its nature, its functions, its tendencies, and its outcome. The individual who truly repents not only sees sin as detestable, vile, and worthy of abhorrence, but he hates it in his heart. A person may see sin to be hurtful and abominable and still love it, desire it, and cling to it. But when he truly repents, he wholeheartedly abhors and renounces it.

This is the source of those tears of sorrow which sometimes break out when Christians see sin in its true nature. When a believer views sin in relation to God, he feels like weeping. Fountains of sorrow gush forth, and he wants to get down on his face and pour out a flood of tears over his sin.

When a believer views sin in its tendencies, it awakens a burning desire to stop it and save people from their sins. His heart is set on fire, and he prays with all his might to pull sinners out of hell and save them from the awful consequences of sin. It is as if he saw all the people taking poison that would destroy them. He lifts up his voice and screams, "Beware!"

He has an intellectual conviction that sin deserves everlasting punishment and is amazed that God can forgive him. Instead of thinking it severe or unkind that sinners are sent to hell, he is full of adoring wonder that he is not sent to hell himself. And when he thinks of such a sinner being saved, he feels a sense of gratitude unlike any he has ever known. If your repentance is genuine, you have a conscious change of views and feelings in regard to sin. Can you say this? Do you know that there has been a change in you and that old things are done away and all things have become new?

When repentance is genuine, the prevailing tendency to repeat sin is gone. If you have truly repented, you do not now love sin. You do not now abstain from it through fear or to avoid punishment but because you hate it. Look at the sins you used to practice. How do they appear to you? Do they look pleasant, and would you really love to practice them again if you dared? If you do have the disposition to sin left, you are only convicted. Your opinions of sin may be changed, but if the love of that sin remains, you are still an impenitent sinner.

The Scripture says, "Godly sorrow worketh repentance." Godly sorrow produces a reformation of conduct.. Otherwise it is like saying that repentance produces repentance. But repentance must be a change of mind that produces a change of conduct and ends in salvation. Have you forsaken your sins? Or are you still practicing them? If so, you are still a sinner. You may have changed your mind, but if you have not changed your conduct, it is not godly repentance.

REPENTANCE UNTO SALVATION
Genuine repentance leads to confession and restitution. The thief has not repented while he keeps the money he stole. He may have conviction but no repentance. If he had truly repented, he would go and give back the money. If you have cheated anyone and do not restore what you have taken; or if you have cheated anyone and do not restore what you have taken; of if you have injured anyone and do not undo the wrong, you have not truly repented.

` True repentance is a permanent change of character and conduct. The text says it is repentance "not to be repented of." True repentance is so deep and fundamental that the man never changes back again. People often quote it as if it read "repentance that does not need to be repented of." But it says, not to be repented of and is so thorough that there is no going back. The love of sin is totally abandoned. Any individual who has truly repented has changed his views and feelings and will not change back to the love of sin. The truly penitent sinner exercises feelings of which he will never repent--"unto salvation." The very reason it ends in salvation is because it will not be repented of.

False repentance is the sorrow of the world: sorrow for sin arising from worldly considerations and motives connected with the present life. At most false repentance has respect for the individuals own happiness in a future world and has no regard for the true nature of sin.

False repentance is not founded on a change of opinion like true repentance. A person may see the evil consequences of sin from a worldly point of view, and it may fill him with anxiety. He may see that it will greatly affect his character or endanger his life. If his secrets were found out, he would be disgraced--this may fill him with fear and distress. People often have this kind of sorrow when some worldly consideration is at the bottom of it.

Selfishness is at the root of false repentance. it may be a strong feeling of regret in the mind of the individual. He sees the evil consequences of his actions, and it makes him miserable or exposes him to the wrath of God. Sin may injure his family, his friends, or himself in time or eternity. All this is pure selfishness.

He may feel remorse of conscience--biting, consuming remorse--and no true repentance. It may extend to deep and dreadful fear of the wrath of God and the pains of hell but be purely selfish. All the while there may be no abhorrence of sin and no feelings of the heart convicted of the infinite evil of sin.

False repentance leaves the feelings unchanged and the disposition to sin in the heart unbroken and unsubdued. The feelings about the nature of sin are not changed, and the individual still feels a desire to sin. He abstains from it not from abhorrence of it but from the dread of its consequences.

The individual who has exercised true repentance is willing to admit that he has repented and that he was a sinner. He who falsely repents resorts to excuses and lying to cover his sins and is ashamed of his repentance. he will cover up his sins by a thousand apologies and excuses, trying to smooth them over and diminish their enormity. If he speaks of his past conduct, he always does it in the softest and most favorable terms.

REPENTANCE UNTO DEATH
False repentance leads to death. It makes people commit one sin to cover up another. Instead of that open-hearted breaking forth of humility and frankness, you see a half-hearted confession that confesses nothing.
Are you ashamed to talk about your sins? If so, then your sorrow is only a worldly sorrow. Often sinners avoid conversation about their sins yet call themselves anxious inquirers, expecting to become Christians. The same kind of sorrow is found in hell. No doubt all those wretched inhabitants of the pit wish to get away from the eye of God. No such sorrow is found among the saints in heaven.

Open, genuine sorrow is consistent with true happiness. The saints are happy, yet have a deep, undisguised remorse for sin. But this worldly sorrow is ashamed of itself and is mean and miserable--its end is death.
The change produced by worldly sorrow extends only to those things of which the individual has been strongly convicted. The heart is not changed. You will see him avoid only those obvious sins about which he has been counseled.

Observe a young convert. If he is deceived, you will find only a partial change in his conduct. He is reformed in certain things, but he continues to practice many wrong things. If you become intimately acquainted with him, you will find him strict and quick-sighted in regard to certain things but far from manifesting a Christian spirit in regard to all sin.

Ordinarily, the change produced by false repentance is temporary even in those things which are reformed. The individual is continually relapsing into old sins. The disposition to sin is not gone--only checked and restrained by fear. As soon as he has a hope, is attending church, and gets bolstered up so that his fears are relieved, you will see him gradually returning to his old sins.

This was the difficulty with the house of Israel that made them constantly return to idolatry and other sins. They had only worldly sorrow. You see it everywhere in the Church. Individuals are reformed for a time and are taken into a congregation, but then they relapse into their old sins. They call it "getting cold" or backsliding, but the truth is, they always loved sin.

This is the foundation of all those flashed and starts in religion that you see so much of. People are awakened and convicted, but soon they settle down in false security and away they go. Perhaps they may keep their guard and won't be turned out of church; but if the foundations of sin are not broken up, they will return to their old ways.
A true convert's most obsessive sins before conversion are the furthest from them now. He is least likely to fall into his old besetting sin because he abhors it most. But if he is deceived and worldly minded, he always tends toward the same sins. The fountain of sin is not broken up. He has not purged iniquity from his heart but has regarded sin in his heart the whole time.

BONDAGE AND LEGALISM
The change produced by false repentance is not only partial and temporary, it is also forced and constrained. The reformation of one who has true repentance is from the heart. In him the Bible promise is fulfilled. He actually finds that wisdom's "ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17). He experiences that the Savior's yoke is easy and His burden is light. He has felt that God's commandments are not grievous but joyous. :"More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb" (Psalm 19:10)

But this spurious kind of repentance is very different: it is a legal repentance, resulting from fear and not love. Selfish repentance is anything but a free, voluntary change from sin to obedience. If you have this kind of repentance, you will find that you are conscious that you abstain from sin not because you hate it but from other considerations. You are more motivated by forbiddings of conscience or the fear that you will lose your soul, your hope, or your character than from abhorrence of sin or love of God.

Such people always apologize for sin, evade duty, and think there is no great harm in doing as they do. They love their sins. If there is not some scriptural command of God that they dare not resist, they will continue in sin.
This is not so with true repentance. If a thing seems contrary to the great law of love, the person who has true repentance will hate it and avoid it whether he has a direct command from God for it or not. He sees it is contrary to the law of benevolence, and he would no more do it than he would blaspheme God, steal, or commit any other abomination. The man that has true repentance does not need a "thus saith the Lord" to keep him from oppressing his fellowmen.

False repentance leads to self-righteousness. An individual may know that Jesus Christ is the only Savior of sinners and may profess to believe in and rely on Him alone for salvation. But he is actually placing ten times more reliance on his reformation than on Jesus Christ for his salvation. And if he would watch his own heart, he would know it. He may say he expects salvation by Christ, but he is really building a righteousness of his own.
He supposes his worldly sorrow to be true repentance, and he trusts in it. He takes it for granted that Jesus will save him because he has had sorrow on account of his sins, although he is not conscious that he has never felt any resting in Christ. He felt sorrow, then got relief and felt better. Now he expects to be saved by Christ, when his very consciousness will teach him that he has never relied on Him.

The individual who has this kind of sorrow becomes harder in heart in proportion to the number of times that he exercises such sorrow. If he has strong emotions of conviction but his heart is not broken, the fountains of feeling dry up and his heart is more difficult to reach.

A real Christian who has truly repented is different. Every time you bring the truth to him he becomes more easily affected, excited, and broken under God's blessed Word. His heart gets into the habit of going along with the convictions of this understanding, and he becomes as teachable as a little child.

A HARDENING OF HEART
Churches--or individual members--who have only worldly repentance pass through a revival, get waked up, and then grow cold again. Let this be repeated, and you will find them more and more difficult to be roused. Soon they become as hard as millstone, and nothing can ever rally them to a revival again.

On the other hand, some churches and individuals experience true repentance. Let them go through successive revivals, and you will find them growing more and more tender. When they hear the trumpet blow for a revival, they will glow instantly and be ready for the work.

The distinction between true and false repentance is as broad as between light and darkness. The principle is illustrated in sinners, who after passing through repeated revivals, will scoff and criticize. Although he heavens hang with clouds of mercy over their heads, they reject it. If they don't have true repentance, every fresh excitement hardens the heart and makes them more difficult to be reached by the truth.

Some people are thrown into distress whenever the truth is flashed upon their minds. They may not have as much conviction as the real Christian, but the real Christian is filled with peace at the very time his tears are flowing from conviction of sin. And each repeated season of conviction makes him more and more watchful, tender, and careful, until his conscience becomes so sensitive that the very appearance of evil will offend it. But the other kind of sorrow, which does not lead to true renunciation of sin, leaves the heart harder than before and soon sears the conscience like a hot iron.

False repentance is sure to be repented of. You will soon find these people becoming ashamed of the deep feelings that they had. They do not want to speak of them, and if they do talk of them it is always lightly and coldly. Perhaps they bustled about in time of revival and appeared as busy as anybody. Very likely they were among the extremes in everything that was done. But now the revival is over, and you find them opposed to new measures, changing back, and ashamed of their zeal. In fact, they repent of their repentance!

After they have joined a church, they will be ashamed of their public repentance. When the height of the revival has gone by, they will begin to talk about being "too enthusiastic" and the necessity of being more sober and consistent.

You some times find people who profess to be converted in a revival turning against the very measure, means, and doctrines by which they profess to have been converted. Not so with the true Christian. He is never ashamed of his repentance. The last thing he would ever think of being ashamed of is the excitement he felt in a revival.
Many people have mistaken conviction for conversion and the sorrow of the world for that godly sorrow that "worketh repentance to salvation, not to be repented of". I am convinced, after years of observation, that this is the reason for the present deplorable state of the Church all over the world.

WHERE DO WE STAND?
Many sinners think it is a great trial to give up their ungodly companions and their sins. If they had true repentance, they would not think it any cross to give up their sins. When I first saw young people becoming Christians and joining the Church, I thought it was a good thing because their souls would be saved and they would get to heaven. But at the time repentance seemed to be a very sorrowful thing. I never dreamed then that these young people could ever be truly happy.

It is very common for people who know that Christianity is good to think they cannot be happy in the Church. They do not understand that true repentance leads to an abhorrence of those things that were formerly loved. Sinners do not see that when their young friends become true Christians sinful amusements are crucified.
People who experience false repentance do not know what it is to enjoy Christianity. They are not cheerful and happy. They are grieved because they have to withdraw from so many things they love or because they have to give so much money. They are in the fire all the time. Instead of rejoicing in every opportunity of self-denial and rejoicing in truth, the plain truth distresses them. Why? Because their hearts do not love to work for God. If they loved to do their duty, every ray of light that broke in upon their minds from heaven would be welcomed and would make them happier.

Perhaps you think I suppose all true Christians are perfect. There is a radical difference between a backslidden Christian and a hypocrite who has returned to the world. The hypocrite loves the world and enjoys sin when he returns to it. He may have fear, remorse, and apprehension about the loss of character; but, after all, he enjoys sin.

The backslidden Christian is different. He loses his first love, then he falls prey to temptation and enters into sin. But he does not love it. It is always bitter to him, and he feels unhappy and homesick. He has , at the time, no Spirit of God to keep him from sin, but he does not love it. He is unhappy, and he feels like a wretch. He is as different from the hypocrite as can be. He can never again enjoy sin or delight in the pleasures of the world. Never again can he drink iniquity like water. As long as he continues to wander, he is miserable.

Convicted sinners are afraid to pledge themselves to give up their sins. They tell you they can't promise to do it because they are afraid they won't keep the promise. They love sin. The drunkard knows that he loves strong drink. Although he may be constrained to abstain from it, he still craves it. Likewise, the convicted sinner loves sin, and his hold on sin has never been broken--he dares not promise to give it up.

Sinners who have worldly sorrow can now see where the difficulty lies and why they are not converted. Their intellectual views of sin may be such that if their hearts corresponded they would be Christians. Perhaps they think this is true repentance. If they were truly willing to give up all sin, they would not hesitate to pledge themselves to it and have all the world know that they had done it.

If you are willing to give up sin, you are willing to promise to do it and willing to have it known that you have done it. But if you resist conviction and still love your sins, all your convictions will not help you. They will only sink you deeper in hell for resisting them.

Let us pray that this is the evidence that our repentance is genuine: "For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a Godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (2 Corinthians 7:11).

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